During our trip to Vietnam and Cambodia in 2017, my husband Adam and I embarked on an exploration of programs for several university clients through our travel company. As always, the experience was transformative. The vibrant hues of the rice fields, the kaleidoscope of flower colors, and the intricate patterns of lanterns transported me to another realm. I was captivated by the rich, bold colors of Vietnamese silk dresses, and inspired by other people using their cameras to capture moments of joy through selfies and photographs.
Despite the bustling traffic, I learned to trust our guide as we navigated the chaotic streets. Observing the ballet of cars and motorcycles, seemingly chaotic yet inherently organized, was a unique experience. Riding on the back of a motorcycle, though nerve-wracking, provided a glimpse into local life. Despite the persistent fog and rain, we marveled at the beauty of Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh (Saigon), and the majestic Ha Long Bay with its towering rock formations emerging from the sea.
We decided to extend our trip to Cambodia; we were all very excited to visit the sites, meeting the people and me visiting a preschool, so I could spend time with the children and teach art to them. This is by far my favorite experience every time I travel since I am also an art teacher. Art is a universal language that connects us on deeper levels.
Angkor Wat was my favorite site on the trip; its impressive architecture, filled with intricate stone structures and detailed sculptures, really stood out. However, I couldn’t shake a strange feeling of unease that hung over me the entire time. Despite trying to focus and enjoy the moment, I kept getting distracted by negative thoughts and a sense of discomfort. This feeling grew stronger when I learned about the Cambodian Genocide, which took place from 1975 to 1979. Back then, I was just a 10-year-old in Brazil and had no idea such a tragedy was happening in Asia under the Khmer Rouge, who were responsible for the deaths of nearly a quarter of Cambodia’s population. Learning this made me feel even more unsettled. I became introspective and couldn’t relax or enjoy what was around me. The joy I expected to feel at Angkor Wat was replaced by sadness and emptiness.
So… Adam and I decided to take a trip to Cambodia’s tropical island resort of Koh Rong to cheer me up. We drove many miles and also crossed the sea to arrive on that very remote island. It felt so far away from everything, the edge of the World. I found out later that place was the same island from the TV show Survivor. Oh no! I was getting agitated again. My anxiety was so strong, I had some trouble breathing. Of course I could not masquerade my feelings to my husband as he knows me so well. The reality was that I could not travel happily after learning about their history and how they died and survived. I wondered if it was okay not to be okay. I reflected about my life…Was I surviving anything?
Why was the trip totally triggering me?
The only thing I wanted after so many days of rain and gray sky was to see a clear blue sky and feel the fresh air going to my lungs. I got fixated on the idea of seeing a blue sky. So, I got my camera, and tried to find the right light to start registering my trip from a different angle, I knew my camera would help to feel grounded. And just for a few hours we could enjoy the sun.
After some rainy days, there’s always sunshine… and hope. I’ve learned to listen to my body, respect my feelings, and understand my empathic nature, which has brought me peace. Being grateful helped me rediscover joy.
Life can blur the lines between good and bad, but my camera helps me filter my perception of reality, focusing on people’s resilience and their ability to rewrite their stories. It’s been uplifting to capture moments of happiness in Cambodia.
I want to explore what it means to be an empath, acknowledging that it’s okay not to feel okay sometimes, yet still connect to what is real and find beauty. Photography has been a powerful tool for me to see the interplay of good and bad and to reframe our narratives.
What tools do you use to shift and reframe your story?
